self-esteem

Fillings or Feelings

/ insightbyseymour / Leave a comment

Generally speaking, people have very little trouble distinguishing between fillings and feelings.  I know of one particular incident, however, when the two were confused.  My youngest brother was listening to a discussion on how a person’s feelings had been hurt.  Eager to participate, he gave a big smile and said:  “I have feelings too, see,” and then he pointed to the fillings in his mouth.

The gnawing truth is that both fillings and feelings are directly connected to something that is missing.  In the case of fillings, part of a tooth is missing, so a dentist fills the tooth.  Feelings, on the other hand, can be more of a challenge; the emptiness related to them are emotional in nature.

A person may feel empty because of grief, a self-esteem issue, or disappointment. The solution involves more than just an injection and the mixing of a composite resin to fill a tooth.  The need is a relationship and not more resin:

  • If your feelings have drained you and you’re running on fumes, it might give you some consolation to think of God as “the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles ( 2 Corinthians 1:3-4).”
  • If you’re struggling with a major decision, James 1:5 can be reassuring: “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, . . . and it will be given to him.”
  • If you’re worn out, you can find the strength you need because “the Lord will give strength to His people (Psalm 29:11).”
  • If your life seems dry and barren, a relationship with Jesus may be what you need: “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly” (John 10:10).
  • If you have a gnawing hunger that you can’t seem to satisfy, you may be eating the wrong bread. Jesus said:  “I am the Bread of Life. The person who aligns with me hungers no more and thirsts no more (John 6).”

You may have gone through life as the kid nobody wanted on their team; as the person who could never make it to the first chair in the school band; the singer who was always off key; or, the wilted flower on a piece of outdated wallpaper.  If so, I have some good news for you.  Jesus said: “The Father gives me the people who are mine. Every one of them will come to me, and I will always accept them (John 6:37).”  There are no exceptions: Jesus loves you, accepts you, and He always will.

Floccinaucinihilipilification

/ insightbyseymour / 1 Comment

No the title of this article is not a typo.  It is a term that has the distinction of being one of the longest words in the English language and one of the most difficult to pronounce.  Floccinaucinihilipilification is defined as the act of esteeming something to be valueless.

Due to the nature of my work, I meet people from all walks of life.  Sometimes I am asked to help them with their personal and peculiar situations.  Low self-esteem is at the root of some of these problems.

Those who deal with issues of low self-esteem may spend too much time in self-floccinaucinihilipilification.  Their life is a mirage of self-deception that leaves them empty and hollow.

One of Aesop’s Fables comes to mind when I think of self-esteem.   It is the story of the Ass and the Lion’s skin.  One version of the story is:  An Ass once found a Lion’s skin which the hunters had left out in the sun to dry. He put it on and went towards his native village. All fled at his approach, both men and animals, and he was a proud Ass that day. In his delight he lifted up his voice and brayed, but then everyone knew him, and his owner came up and gave him a sound cudgeling for the fright he had caused. And shortly afterwards a Fox came up to him and said: “Ah, I knew you by your voice.”

While you can draw many principles from this story, I think it speaks to people who are not comfortable in their own skin.  This can be the result of childhood relationships.  If a person came from a family in which the relationships were close, strong, and positive, their self-esteem was nurtured.  If on the other hand, their family of origin was one of constant criticism and negative feedback, they may struggle with self-esteem.

How does a person begin to lift his self-esteem?  The first step is to become aware of your thoughts.  Negative thoughts that ruminate on your weaknesses and flaws are detrimental to your well-being.  Reframe these thoughts and focus on solutions and the positive aspect of your life. Instead of measuring your worth in pounds, weigh it in the value of a smile; see strength in acts of kindness, not bulging biceps; and see beauty in gracious words, not Estee Lauder.

The second step is to consider the potential of your relationship with God.  Some of the most uplifting words in the Bible are:  Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God (I John 3:1).  Think about those words–God wants to identify you as one of His children.

One way you can help another person with their self-esteem is to embrace Jesus’ principle: Love your neighbors as yourself (Matthew 19:19).  Why not lend a hand, so you can lift a life out of despair?  Diane Loomans captured the essence of this principle when she wrote:

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging and less tugging.

I hope you esteem this article as being a thought worth thinking.

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